That Awful, Familiar Place
There's quite the kerfuffle going on in a music blogger's forum that I'm a part of and the topic we're discussing is making me very angry. I'm not upset with myself for getting mad about it, I think my anger is justified, but I am bothered by another gut reaction I've had.
When I get really mad and feel impotent in a situation and there's nothing I can do or say to change it, I withdraw. I think things like, "Well, fuck it then. I don't give a shit. I give up." This reaction stems from a place deep inside me. I think it formed when I was a kid and very often felt like my brother had all the power and there was nothing I could do to fight him. My only recourse (or so I thought at the time) was to withdraw.
It's a horrible feeling, impotency. To be powerless is probably one of the worst feelings you can have. However, I'm sure there's a better way of dealing with it than backing off and giving up. I'm trying really hard not to do that right now, but it's very difficult for me to not go to that awful, familiar place.
The Cinematic Orchestra--"Familiar Ground" mp3 off Cafe Paradiso--Luxury Chilled Grooves (buy)
Bodies of Water--"It Is Familiar" mp3 off Ears Will Pop & Eyes Will Blink (buy)
Here, here! Hypem changes and a hideous Pitchfork redesign. What a way to
start the week. Blech.
That withdrawal reaction is so typical of me too. I've been thinking about
this whole thing, and since Technorati is the game, I am making favorites
of all my blog pals in my own Technorati account. Maybe if we little guys
help each other out by doing that for each other, we can better our own
rankings. Lord knows, mine needs help!
I am out of the loop on this one..and it's fine by me. But I wish you
luck! And try not to feel powerless. You have people who come here and
comment about your posts and the music you feature, all the while holding
true to yourself. You should be proud.
Feeling powerless is the worst. That happened to me at school the other day
when I was accosted by an angry parent while doing some relief teaching (to
cut a long story short!). My reaction? Refuse to teach there again, and,
you guessed it, withdraw. I hear ya.
I don't mind powerlessness that much. It can be liberating, can allow
letting things go sometimes. Like the Hypem thing - I can't control how
they do their thing and all the fretting and fury that I've got over it
isn't going to do a damn thing. I just have to step back and wait for
Hypem's inevitable replacement.
well it looks like i'm not the only one who both withdraws AND hates the
hype machine change!
ok i don't even know what is going on but i am already mad. the last time i
checked the whole purpose of the hype machine was to aggregate music blogs
not just 100 of the most popular music blogs that post the same shit as the
other most popular blog.
rachel--well, as you have seen by now, the mess over at hype got worked out
in a decent compromise. thank god! as far as not speaking up, if i don't do
it right away, then chances get less and less that i ever will. but the
withdrawing thing happens when i'm really, really emotionally worked up.
i'm actually surprised at how upset i was about this whole hype machine
thing. that my reaction was so strong really caught me off guard. it was
probably hormonal!!
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