Some Things Can't Be Fixed

Wow. This spoke to me. Really spoke to me. I've been there myself and know exactly how you feel. Hang in there. You will become a stronger person because of this.

i am one from the "not my fault. always someones fault. but never mine" side. so my way would be: 1. completely freak out about the person. 2. yell. 3. never talk to the person again. okay scratch this. this never happened. this is the way i WOULD like it to happen. for the future.

well. maybe. i guess it says a lot about me. not about the "bad" person ( "" because there are always two points of view. i always ask myself what the hell i have done wrong to the world. the person, to everyone (karma) that this had to happen. that's always my thing. i calculate all the things i have done, haven't done and so on. to find out what could have been the trigger. and almost i find it out and consider if it was something else. and it takes years to get to the point that i can say : hey. you just had bad luck to meet someone that was such a good liar and dazzler.

alternate: change comes. change comes ALWAYS to fast. one second you're in bed, thinking of go and get some coffe and muffins. two seconds later..... you recognize the person beside you is ( <- example. creative freedom, haha)

jeah whatever. one hour ago i started thinking bout that.

have a very nice one, marcy. don't think too much. thinking kills. seriously.

andy--i sure hope you're right, about the becoming a stronger person part. can i get a money-back guarantee on that? : )

pik--omg, "thinking kills"--i love it. if only i COULD stop thinking. that would solve a lot of my problems. some people can actually do that, you know. they totally put things out of their minds and just focus on the day-to-day or whatever is in front of them at the moment. that doesn't seem to be one of my gifts, unfortunately. : )

hmmm... ive been through this feeling quite a bit. im sure we all have. of course, im one to overanalyze this until everything turns into nothing... but even tho, i tend to first put the blame somewhere else, ive come to realize thats just apart of "that" person. whether i like it or not, its the part, if you can actually accept what feels broken and keep moving on..

these people are gods. seriously.

This spoke to me. A very interesting post. Can I ask - was this disappointment real world or virtual world? Or does it, in the end, matter? When does "impression management" become deception and lies? When does a mask become a front? Don't we all play out roles and images and (best) present who we want to be seen and regarded as? To what end? Is it deception with a purpose or just pathological lies? (a story or series of stories). What is the power dynamic involved in the (damaged) relationship? Ultimately, such an experience says things about 'us' as well as 'other'. The power to want to believe can be overpowering at times, in a very exhausting way. However, to present an alternative ending, I do think trust and goodwill can be repaired. It takes time and effort and desire but it can happen. Work needs to be out into the healing. Also, with respect, thinking does not kill - it can liberate us rather than cripple us, if we go about it in a systematic, logical and, above all, passionate way. We all want to be (pretend to be) someone we are not, especially if we are damaged, hurt, bereft of self-confidence, trust and happiness. We are all hard on ourselves. We need to learn to NOT be.

damn i think we have all experienced 'this' indeed...sometimes it seems more often than not...I guess this hit me quite hard as well...change is inevitable, this is why we are always told to let go of what we can't control because eventually all progression takes you to a place that is different from your original starting point and when you arrive at this new destination you are forced to reevaluate everything, which then leads to decisions and actions that need to be made in order for you to adapt and continue to progress forward...

Some things can't be fixed, this is so true and somethings you can't compromise and sometimes people change and of course what was once something you could compromise with is no longer possible in order for you to progress forward...And this is the hard part...

But I don't think people are deliberately deceptive, and I think more often than not it is our own expectations of that person that deceive us...I think in every relationship the fault is never merely one person over the other, it is equal...Which is ironic really.

Marcy, I am always here to listen. *hug*

@colin: i know what you mean... what i meant to say was : to think yourself even deeper into the "thing". to try to figure out what was the release of the event all day - kills.

i love thinking. i am a headperson. and proud of it.

( i'm getting so much better in maths with your spamprotect, marcy. :D it's cool)

Having once worked in politics, I have vast experience with this topic but sadly little of it will be of any use to you ... or me, for that matter.

As is well known, people in politics lie to each other almost reflexively. In that industry, people no longer even expect The Truth but simply weigh the degree of deception contained in a statement or relationship.

Yet, despite that they experience it so often, political types feel the pain of betrayal just as deeply as other people do. The human capacities for trust and deception are pretty evenly matched.

So feel bad about feeling bad and don't feel you've been made a fool, because even the people who think they are the smartest about such things get fooled all the time, all the time.

The only sort of useful things I've learned are that total distrust will turn you into a paranoid, lonely basketcase, while total trust in any circumstance is incautious. You should never be unduly suspicious but you should never pitch your level of trust at more than 90%. It's always best to have a back-up plan, even for your absolute best friend in the world. Believe me, I failed to do that one time, and I'm still paying the price.

Whoa, verbose as always, sorry. Hope that was somewhat useful.

In the above, that should be "So DON'T feel bad about feeling bad..."

hey marcy, chin up, cheer up, okay? :) hope you're doing alright.

ah, dear friends, you are all so kind, and generous--and wise! each one of you says something true and insightful and if i could only take everything to heart and be smart and mindful about things, i'd be in a much better place, wouldn't i? : )

you know, i could probably write a whole other post about this, but for now i'd just like to add that in some ways, i was talking about myself being the one who isn't as she seems--it's kind of complicated, but i find i often have to hold back parts of myself, or i feel like i can't be who i really am, because honestly, i don't think anyone would want to have me around if i "let it all hang out," so to speak. could be i'm also afraid of speaking my truth. oh well, i'm sure i'm not alone in that, either.

thank you all for listening and for guiding me through this. i have a feeling i'll be referring back to these comments and taking even more from them as i continue to process this. xxxx