Replacement Theory
I've been writing this post for over two years.
I keep wondering, how do you know when you've truly let something go?
Is it when you don't remember it the very first moment you open your eyes in the morning? Is it when you don't remember it at all? Or is it when you do happen to remember it, it feels more like a dull ache than the sharp pain it used to be?
And not only that, but just how is it done? Is it some kind of action on your part that does the trick, an unclenching of the fist or a deep exhalation of breath? Or is it a mental feat, a metaphorical loosening of your grip on something that finally breaks the hold?
I suppose sometimes it happens like that, with an actual release. I think it's more likely that what happens is that you don't really let go, not of the dangerous things like memories, hard feelings, and broken hearts. Instead, given enough time, they slowly get replaced by new thoughts, feelings and memories. Then, strand by strand and shard by shard, their power over you diminishes. It doesn't necessarily mean that the pain disappears or heals completely, it will always be a part of you, but when enough of it has been replaced, eventually it will stop haunting you.
That's my theory, anyway, and for now I'm sticking with it.
Windmill--"Replace Me" mp3 off Puddle City Racing Lights (buy)
"How do you know when you've truly let something go?"
But hopefully you are able to learn from them. And if you can't learn
anything from them, hopefully you can at least figure out how to protect
yourself from being affected by them again.
Wow, this is exactly what I needed to read today. Sometimes I feel like
that sort of pain will never go away but understand that yes it takes time
and slowly it gets better. I like the way you put it.
It never ever truly goes away. It just hurts less and less, and then
eventually you realize that it's still there but it means something
different now.
man, i love how each of you has a slightly different take on this. thank
you so much for responding so thoughtfully. i suppose time is the ultimate
healer, if you let it and can be patient enough and don't succumb in the
meantime. sigh.
Funny, I was just talking about letting go in my last comment! For me, and
this is just me, I found it impossible to let things go for the longest
time. I'm OK at it now, but it requires spiritual help - not Baby Jesus or
anything, but I know I can't do it on my own.
lol--"not baby jesus or anything" that's funny. indeed, tho, the emotional
memory is long and tenuous. i'm happy for you that you're better at it now.
i wish i could say the same!
mjrc, this is a tough question. Perhaps it's different for different
people. I am not (I started to say "was never") the kind of person who is
able to "forgive", the way they encourage you to do in church, so I always
have to go through a phase of working something through rather than letting
it go. After that, for me, I think it's mostly a process of emotional
erosion. The sharp, pointy pieces go first, leaving you with an aching
lump. But eventually, the lump is gone too. Erosion is a slow process.
But that's a good thing, right?
RSS Add-Me
