Fuck Precipitous Goodbyes and a Bit of Shameless Self-Promotion
I mean, there's no chance at all to say what you think or feel, to express your good wishes or your sorrow. Or if perchance you get the goodbye in person, there's the awful feeling of precious moments slipping away while you waste time trying to figure out what to say or do. Either way it leaves you at best mystified and unsettled, and at worst sick with regret, naseous with a sensation of helplessness and fear.
Stars--"Going, Going, Gone" mp3 off Nightsongs (buy)
8mm--"No Way Back" mp3 off Songs to Love and Die By . . . (buy) (thanks, pik)
Linda Ronstadt with Ann Savoy--"Adieu False Heart" mp3 off Adieu False Heart (buy) Although I got it off the Paste Magazine Sampler #24
Did I mention that I don't like it one little bit? Not one fucking bit. Even though I might understand why, even if it's for my own good, I still don't like it.
Now I have a confession to make. I wrote this post in advance, a couple of days ago. Well, on Saturday, while I was running on the treadmill, I had an actual insight, a meaningful realization about why it is so god-damned hard for me to say goodbye. I won't bore you with the details, but it felt good to make a connection between my inability to say good-bye today and something that happened to me many years ago. It's not necessarily going to make it any easier, but at least I know a little bit more about why I can't do it.
OK, I'm done feeling sorry for myself for the moment and in fact am feeling pretty good about something. Music like dirt (one of my favorite bloggers from London) asked me to do one of his special collaborative features that he calls "Listen to This." This is how it works: he picked three songs and I picked three songs and then we each listened to them (hence the name) and wrote our reviews. I'm thrilled to be a part of it, and I must say I went out of my way to pick three tracks that I was fairly certain he wouldn't choose for himself, and he certainly chose ones I'd never pick. So head on over to his site and check out part one, with part two to follow in a few days.
Very very interesting to see two very different sensibilities collide. I
have to say that I almost didn't have the patience to listen to the whole
Munck//Johnson, but on third listening it is growing on me (a little.)
wow, that's dedication, listening three times. : ) i know, it's a weird
song. you have to understand i was in a very dark place when i first heard
it, so it really spoke to me. and i absolutely love the dense harmonies.
Hi mjrc. Usually, i just lurk and enjoy your blog. But today's entry hit
close to home for me. I have been one of those that just disapears and
never has time to say goodbye. It is a good thing that you think about
saying goodbye. Keep up the good tunes and words..
Dearest Marcy, you can probably guess what I'll say, but I'll say ity
anyway: now that you know why, you can focus on it and try to understand it
even better! Just be kind to and understanding of yourself during the
process.
mrmacro--wlecome--glad you finally took the plunge and made a comment.
thanks for the kind words and encouragement, i can always use more
encouragement. : )
jeah mjrc.
i know. i know so damn well.
and it is even mysterious why i dreamt all stuff again last night, and read
your posting now. kinda mysterious too.
sometime i hate the ability to remember. y'all know what i mean.
pik--i look forward to reading what you have to say about it. writing can
be cathartic, i'm sure you agree. dreams, on the other hand, dreams are
definitely mysterious . . .
Hey you,
big starlet--you know, I have a friend who swears by the policy of keeping
yourself so busy that you don't have time think about anything, but i've
never been able to do that successfully. and you said it, lack of closure
sucks big time.
There is no easy way to say goodbye to a person, I've realized, because one
person always, always knows the goodbye is coming. And it truly is unfair,
because that person gets the closure that the rest of us try to fumble
around and find. Maybe the best we can do is just not like it. Hope this
makes sense to you, and I hope the treadmill keeps doing the trick. : )
so true, so very true. although i've most often been on the receiving end
of the interaction, so i don't have much experience at the saying part. and
thank god for the treadmill, coz i think if i didn't do it regularly, i'd
be in even worse shape (mentally!) than i am now.
awww mjrc :)
yr wonderful
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