Past Imperfect
There was a time, a long, long time ago, when I thought I could be sure about things--things I thought, things I felt, things I knew. At the very least, I thought it was within the realm of possibility to be sure about some things. These days, however, it seems I'm far more uncertain what life is all about than I ever thought I'd be.
On the surface, I suppose I'm where I thought I would be at this stage of the game. I mean, I'm not in prison or world famous or in any other kind of extreme circumstance that I never imagined. But at the same time, within the confines of my somewhat normal existence, I never could have predicted some of the things I've gone through or felt or found to be unknowable. I am way less sure about so much more now than I ever thought I would be then. These days there don't seem to be many absolutes.
I look back at the past and I wish I could give that young woman who wanted to be so sure a heads up. I'd tell her, You know what? It's OK not to know things. Living in the question actually becomes the greater part of life's journey and for the most part, being sure of things only leads to disappointment. Of course, I know that's just wishful thinking on my part. The best I can do now is forgive her for her naiveté and ignorance. She didn't know any better back then. How could she have?
Basia Bulat--"I Was a Daughter" mp3 off Oh, My Darling (buy)
Feist--"Now At Last" mp3 off Let it Die (buy)
Todd Rundgren--"Sometimes I Don't Know What to Feel" mp3 off A Wizard, A True Star (buy)
Children of the CPU--"Stardust--Note to Self" mp3 off Back to BASIC (buy)
This post really resonates with me and yet I still make attempts at being
sure.
yeah, i know. i guess it sort of comes and goes in waves. when too much is
unsettled it can get pretty crazy, and then all you really want is to know
that something is for certain. : )
Amen, sister! Everything is impermanent, and there is no certainty in
impermanence. And sometimes (often) that's difficult, even painful. But
it's all part of the path.
so i think what you're saying is, the only thing we can be certain of is
that everything is impermanent . . . that kind of blows my mind. : ) i
thank you for your encouragement, as always. i tend to be very hard on
myself, past present and future, so it's worth reminding me not to play the
blame game, even--and especially--with myself.
Less absolutes means that you've learned the grey areas.
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