Listen to Me
Do you know how to listen? Not to a song, but to another person? I know I've broached this subject before, although mainly in a humorous way. But lately I've been feeling like I'm not really being heard and it's bothering me.
First and foremost, when someone is telling you something, it is not, I repeat, NOT purely an opportunity for you to say, "Oh, me too--this is what happened to me, how I felt, what my child did (fill in the blank)." One of the most important things about really listening to someone is to acknowledge what the other person is saying and to keep yourself out of it.
You might even ask the person a question about what they've just said. I know, that seems like an obvious thing, but it's such an easy way to show that you care and that what the other person is saying matters to you. Even if it doesn't really matter all that much to you, inquiring as to how the person feels about what they said is validating for the other person.
Isn't that what we all crave, after all? Validation? To be heard as people who matter? Not to be the most interesting person in the world or the star of the show but simply to know that you don't exist in a vacuum and that you do, indeed, matter. Sigh. That's pretty much all that I want, anyway.
Amos Lee--"Listen" mp3 off Last Days at the Lodge (buy)
They Might Be Giants--"Hearing Aid" mp3 off Flood (buy)
The Violet Archers--"Listening" mp3 off Sunshine at Night (buy)
Validation indeed is so important in all relationships we have, I
completely agree :-)
I'm sort of guilty of this very thing, since I have ADD. It's not that I
don't care about the person, it's just that stuff jumps into my brain when
they're talking. I have learned to count to myself in my head and slow
down the thoughts, but it's really a challenge, sans medication. And my
son, who's got Asperger's Syndrome, does this, too. It's really a social
skill that some people come by naturally, but others have to learn with
lots of practice. My kiddo might never get it. And, you might cut some
people some slack, since they may only have a social skill deficiit!
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