I Don't Even Know What Day it Is
For the past week, maybe two weeks, I've been so busy and off my regular schedule that I don't even know what day it is anymore. Does that ever happen to you? Actually, I think I've been off kilter since school let out, which is nearly a month ago.
Not that it matters, it's just that I rather like a little routine to my day. Get up, drink my coffee, do my thing on the computer, exercise, shower, get dressed for work, work a few hours, come home, interact with the children, perhaps take a nap, maybe make something for dinner, catch up on the TV or blogs I didn't get to the night before, and then go to bed. That would pretty much be my ideal day, if I could arrange to have it my way.
But the truth is the real reason it matters that I lost track of the days is that I missed an important anniversary date in the life of one of my best friends. I completely forgot and I feel pretty bad about it. I'm certain she'll understand, but in truth I fear it represents something larger. It represents the way the living can forget the lost.
I guess that's a result of the mere fact that life keeps moving on, marching forever forward, and faces and memories that were once so bright in your mind's eye start to fade and blur, not totally disappearing but not remaining as sharp or distinct, either. Which is good, in a way. I mean, who could stand to live with the kind of pain you initially feel when someone dies? But it's kind of sad, too, because I really don't want to forget either.
The Lucksmiths--Tmrw Vs. Y'day mp3 off Banter--A Candle Records Collection (buy)
Speaking of getting older...
chris--i'm not really being hard on myself about it, but it does bother me.
it's a fine line to walk, that of avoiding self-recrimination and simply
noticing something in yourself but wanting to do better. it doesn't seem to
get any easier to do the older i get, either!
The older I get, the more I tend to forget the lost. It's just that this
aging brain gets so bogged down with day to day details, it's hard to keep
everything straight.
Well there haven't been a lot of deaths in my life so far, but I have moved
around an awful lot, made close friends for about three years and then
moved away and basically forgotten all about all but a small handful of
them. It is sad in a way, but at the same time I don't know... there's
something complete about letting things be what they were and not trying to
force them to be either more or less significant than they are.
nat--i always think of what homer simpson said, "every time i put something
new into my brain something old falls out" or something to that effect. :)
Sorry, it wasn't really supposed to be advice, particularly not for dealing
with the loss of a friend, which is something I know nothing about. It was
just the beginning of a train of thought - which you've already noticed!
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