I Think I May Have Gender Issues

     You all know we just got a little kitty, the delightful Lola, and she is turning out to be tons of fun and fitting right into the family. I even came home from the gym yesterday and found her sitting on my husband's shoulder while he was working. It was too cute.

     So we've been working from the assumption that she's a girl, however, at this age it's actually too soon to tell for certain. In fact, I turned her over the other day to have a look-see and had the sudden thought that maybe we were wrong about her. I have to admit that it troubled me a little bit.

     Not because I have anything against little boy kitties--not at all. I would love him just as much if she were a he. It's just that she's so pretty and I love to baby talk to her and call her all kinds of diminutive lovey-dovey names, most of which are really a lot more feminine than masculine. I realized that I would want to readjust all the terms I was using in order to suit a boy and that got me thinking about how ingrained these kinds of gender identity ideas are, even when dealing a cat's identity.

     It's really interesting to me, because aside from a different set of genitals (which after getting spayed/neutered will be nearly superfluous anyway), how is a boy cat any different than a girl cat? There aren't any feline societal norms to go by, no behaviors except sex and peeing that are determined by anatomy, so what would make me feel uncomfortable talking the same way to a boy as I would a girl?

     I guess it's because I'm carrying all the human baggage I have about what is appropriate language regarding girls and boys and I'm transferring it to the cat. Feminist that I am, I'm still bound up by these "rules" of gender identity. It's amazing how deep these beliefs run.

     I suppose I could experiment with Lola and only use terms that I consider "masculine" when I talk to her, but that seems like an awful lot of effort. (Maybe just thinking about it is enough to challenge myself!) Or maybe I could go so far as to promise that if she does turn out to be a he, I will try not to disuse any terms of endearment just because they're "feminine" if I can help it. I say "if I can help it" because I think it would be really hard for me to do.

     OK, so there's one more selfish reason I want her to stay a she and that's because we love love love her name and don't want to have to come up with another one. How's that for lazy parenting!?

Blur--"Girls and Boys" mp3 off Parklife (buy)

Bjork--"Venus As a Boy" mp3 off Greatest Hits (buy)

boy and girl and cat from here

tags: putting too much thought  into it i know  

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