Forgiveness
I've got all these thoughts swirling around in my head, ever since I wrote about not being so hard on yourself. I keep thinking about forgiveness. About how hard it is to forgive yourself and how hard it is to ask for someone else's forgiveness when you really and truly don't deserve it.
I'm also obsessively listening to one song, "Borrowed Your Gun" by Spiritualized. It starts off kind of quiet but builds in intensity almost the way a gospel hymn does so that by the end it's pulling out all the stops. Then there are the lyrics with their powerful images--they really get to me. In fact they bring to mind the story of the prodigal son and how the father welcomed the wayward son home with no questions asked. He forgave him instantly for whatever he did while he was away.
Daddy I'm sorry / I borrowed your gun again
Shot up your family
And shot for the city
Daddy I'm sorry / I borrowed your gun again
Shot up my mother / My beautiful mother
Hold out your hands, I'm coming home
Hold out your arms I'm all alone
My mind is made up
And I'm down on my luck
I've run out of bullets again . . .
So I can't help but hope that someone could love me like that, enough to forgive me no matter what I had done, no matter what sorry state I was in. I also sincerely hope that I could be that forgiving of someone else. I don't think there's any chance of my ever being that forgiving of myself, but I pray I could find it in my heart to be that accepting of another.
Spiritualized--"Borrowed Your Gun" mp3 off Songs in A&E (buy)
I struggle so much with forgiveness, both of self and of others, and it has
always been the toughest challenge for me. Some things people do just seem
beyond forgiveness, you know?
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