A Life Lesson
I recently had a conversation with a co-worker that centered around how much we kick ourselves when we mess up. We berate ourselves for our own mistakes much more than we'd ever do to someone else. In fact, I can't imagine myself ever saying to someone else--out loud, anyway--some of the awful things I think to myself about myself. So we resolved to make a concerted effort not to do that to ourselves anymore. For my part, I'm going to try to go easier on myself and not repeatedly tell myself how very stupid I am for doing all the stupid things I do.
I didn't realize I'd get a chance to try out my new resolution so soon, but I did. Yesterday I went for a bike ride. I always go by myself and I never worry very much about it. Generally I take the same route and I figure if I don't return within a reasonable amount of time, someone in the family will eventually come looking for me and be able to locate me fairly easily.
Well I'd been itching to take a completely new ride, one I'd mapped out in the car and which was in the opposite direction of where I usually go, so I thought, Gee, maybe I should take my phone with me--just in case I have a flat or get stranded somehow. I put it in my pocket, thinking that that was safer than putting it in my bike pouch because god forbid I fall off my bike and was unable to crawl back to it, then at least it would be on my person. I shoved it way down deep and didn't think another thing about it.
I had a good ride, albeit an extra long one because I missed a turn and got lost and ended up going about three miles out of my way. By the time I got home I was exhausted. I got into the house and felt my pocket for the phone and it was not there. The damn thing had fallen out somewhere along the line. The 13-mile line, that is, coz that's how long my ride was.
As you can imagine, I began to get angry with myself, thinking, How fucking stupid can you be! But then I stopped myself. I said, Self, this is a test of your new resolution. Yes, you made a mistake, a really stupid mistake, but that's no reason to beat yourself up about it. Don't be so hard on yourself, as I'm sure there'll be plenty of opportunities to do that in the future for far more deserving screw-ups. And so I stopped.
Luka Bloom--"Don't Be So Hard on Yourself" mp3 off Amsterdam (buy) This is one of those songs that bears repeated listenings.
I did go out and look for it, scoured the roadside while I drove very slowly, but I couldn't find it. It's probably smushed to pieces somewhere or in the verge totally obscured from view. Besides that, we had torrential rains yesterday, so it would be ruined regardless. Oh well, it was time to get a new phone anyway!
I was not familiar with that song. What great lyrics. I really like it. And
I really like your resolution. It is so easy to eat up so much of our time
being angry with ourselves. And btw, you have me so intrigued about your
song for tomorrow's CP!!
Hey Marcy, i know how you feel, i lost my wallet with everything in it the
other night at a Young Knives gig !!! Also bike riding is awesome !!! I
don't do it any more cause my bikes keep getting stolen...but i'm hoping to
get a bike soon, so i can cycle down the river Thames to Twickenham where
REM will be playing, i'm gonna sit on the river bank with a few mates and
hoepfully hear em cause the stadium at the rivers edge !!! Keep Rockin
!!!!!
I lost all my keys last week and they have yet to turn up, so I can relate
to this. I like your approach, I guess I should stop beating myself up
about it. Even though it was really dumb.
Not beating yourself up - that's a tough one. I find that's almost my
default setting. I had to give a three hour lecture, my first of many this
semester, yesterday. In the whole lecture I screwed up one thing, one minor
thing. What do you think I've spent the day spent obsessing about?
tricia--isn't it a great song? very important to be reminded of every once
in a while. oh, and i think you'll see what i mean by the song i chose for
the cp the moment you hear it! :)
I left an expensive jersey at a golf club many miles awy from home 2 weeks
back. Normally, I would get very angry with myself at being so careless,
but for once I shrugged my shoulders and thought it was a lesson I
deserved. Three days later it was posted out to me.....I dont think thios
would have happened had I got angry.
oh i hate when I make mistakes by typing too quickly. That's it, no more
comments at any blog from me until I complete my punishment task of
1,000,000 spelling tests....
here i thought maybe you were a bit tipsy when you typed it--that's always
the tell-tale sign for me that i've been drinking. my typing goes down the
toilet!
AFM - did exactly the same thing myself today while taking a
reading/comprehension lesson. It wasn't one thing I stuffed up though, it
was several. So the maths lesson that I was really happy with at the
beginning of the day immediately became completely irrelevant as I spend
the rest of the day obsessing over these (very minor) mistakes I made. So
silly!
And Marcy, it's a horrible feeling I know. Left my wallet at the
newsagents once, but luckily I realised in time to dash back and retrieve
it. You have my sympathies!
agnes--you know what's weird? i'm kind of enjoying the "freedom" of not
having a cell phone. i don't have to worry about my music being too loud
when i'm driving, no one's bothering me at inopportune times, it's kind of
nice. :) i know i have to replace it, but i'm not in too much of a hurry to
do so!
Hi, your blog is new to me and I love it. Your post came at the right time
- two years ago, I lost my passport and I still get jabs about all the
stamps I lost, places I would probably never get to revisit. It haunts me
to this day. Your post reminded me that its time to get new stamps anyway!
hi chicopea--thanks for the kind words! i can totally understand why you
still miss your passport. it's incredible the amount of memory that can be
tied to an object, even when you have other ways to remember things. lucky
for me i wasn't all that attached to my phone. in fact i still haven't
gotten a new one. i will though, very soon . . . :)
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